Sweet Retribution

If you've ever watched a parent die a needless death then you understand what I'm currently going through.

In February 2007 my father was admitted to OHSU's VA Hospital. He had no insurance and a severely infected wound in his foot. They immediately admitted him and according to family stated themselves that the foot was extremely infected. For the next 6 days they paraded medical students through his room to point out what happens during gangrene. The spreading redness around the wound, the swelling and the slow blackening of the wound did nothing to make them actually treat the injury with anything more than intravenous antibiotics...which were even to the untrained eye obviously not working. When the last two toes on his foot turned black they finally put him under to do a partial amputation. It was likely too late by then.

Roughly three weeks later he was back in the hospital, so sick he was jaundiced. Sure he was stubborn and tried his best not to go back to the hospital he thought wouldn't treat him anyway. Sure my stepmother waited WAY too long to call an ambulence but had it been any other patient perhaps they would have tried more to save his life. From the little bit that I saw they let him lay there swollen with infection, doing nothing to drain the infection from his system while they treated him and his visitors as a nuisance. Sure a few of his nurses really did seem to care, the others just seemed to wish he'd go away. Not a way to treat a man with major organ failure.

I got a call today from Holly Lloyd seeking my information as his sole heir. It seems my grandparents started what I couldn't afford to do. We are in the process of filing a wrongful death lawsuit against OHSU. While I may not get much from it if anything at all it's not the money I'm after.

What I want is for no one else to loose a parent to a needless death. For no one else to know that their father will not see them accomplish the things he'd always wanted for them. For no one else to watch their father cry infection laced tears from the pain. For no one else to watch a nurse first manhandle the patient and then tell them point blank 'he's dying anyway.' I want them to pay. I want it to hurt. I want the hospital administrators to immediately make policy changes to ensure it never happens again. Sure, my father was an alcoholic but NO ONE should have to die like that, knowing the hospital is doing nothing to save them. Knowing that no one in their medical team is loosing any sleep over the fact that they are loosing their life. I want to know that no child regardless of age is ever going to have to look their dying parent in the eyes and know that if only they had money things would be a little better. For me it was only 24 hours, we'd lost contact and they had to hunt me down, for the rest of the family it was much longer watching him slowly rot away from the inside out. May 17th, 9:45pm...I still have nightmares about that time. I still wake in the middle of the night wondering when my mother will leave too. No one should have to watch someone they love die knowing the hospital could be doing more to at least make their final moments more comfortable. It would not have killed them to at least be polite to a dying man. Even if they didn't agree with his lifestyle decisions. Hell I didn't agree with his lifestyle decisions, but he shouldn't have had to die amongst indifference and sometimes open scorn.

The search for personal truth

I recently found that a friend of mine will be moving, much to the vocalized distaste of others around her. It is to her and to them that I speak now.

When life provides that once in a lifetime opportunity one should rise to the occassion, they should take that terrifying plunge into the arctic waters of chance, perhaps they will find the shock refreshing. That is not to say that all will be tea and roses once you land, it may be a difficult up hill battle from there, but sometimes one just has to do what they think best regardless of what others say.

Those who truly care about the leaper may well choose to advise against it, after all change is frightening to all humans, but most particularly when one is going to be heading in a direction where it will be difficult at best to catch them if they fall. It is at these times when care and friendships can become greatly strained. Do you care enough for them to let them go, can you bring yourself to let go of something you care for so deeply? The decision is a difficult one, but ultimately it is up to the one who seeks to make the jump. There are times when you have to simply leave and mend any possible relationship problems later. Sometimes they can be patched and sometimes they can't but there comes a time when you have to do what is best for yourself, everyone else be damned.

To that friend I wish you only the greatest of happiness and the best lady luck has to offer.

On another note however; spring cleaning version 2.0 went well this weekend. Still have a lot of laundry to do but that happens sometimes especially for our little family...we tend to get distracted. *grins* School is going well I didn't get the lessons I had intended to done this weekend, but that's alright, I only have to get two lessons done before my next set ships and then I will only have one lesson remaining...or is it two...either way in the set.

The girl pigs went to their new home this weekend and she seems eager to do things the right way so it seems better in the end. The boys go to their new home either Wednesday or Thursday of this week and Kit gets his first Barkbusters session on Thursday at 10am. Yes, that means I have to be up early, but that's alright all thats coming out of this check is Barkbusters and my credit card payment so perhaps Kota and I will go out to lunch together after. All in all things are progressing nicely. Work is still stressful, but the stress level has been turned down a couple of notches, it's a bit easier to handle now, for me at least, poor Kiro is still screwed.

Under the Gun: Living beyond the Event Horizon.

Well, I'm really feeling the fire now, they want me to pull this project to current from 3-3.5 days behind. That's double what we usually deem the Event Horizon, or the point of no return. That point in time where unless you're offering OT you're not going to get where you need to be. I have 8 hours to get it pulled in...8.5 if I don't take a lunch or take lunch in small chunks while my printers are busy.

Cindy pulled me aside and reiterated how important it was I bring us up to schedule because they need me elsewhere. We're understaffed, underbudgeted and our PSR schedule has slipped...but they aren't extending our testing deadline. So it's scramble time. I've pulled us ahead before, but only by bending every time rule I had, not taking lunch, not taking full breaks, going outside for half a smoke and right back in, looks like it's time to pull a miracle out of my non-existant hat again.

Miracle one...create hat from nothing. Miracle two...create bunny from nothing. Miracle three pull bunny from hat... The stress is on and I'm in the final quarter, here's to hoping I can pull this off. My new counterpart helps, but there are days when she only makes print count. Once again I have to carry this lab from point A to point C without the help I need (which would be overtime on Saturdays) because the department can't afford it. And all of this in 96F and 80%RH. Hello Texas. Wish me luck.

However; did I mention...I love my job...I'm good at achieving the impossible and I've made a name for myself doing so...I just hope I can keep it up. The adrenaline would be more welcome if it didn't make an already terrible acid reflux even worse.

Somehow on top of all of this, I still need to help get the house clean this weekend, get all the laundry done this weekend, find some time for this 'family day out' Kiro wants, and perhaps if I can find somewhere in there to do it I need to get a lesson or two done this weekend. Time to burn the midnight oil.

Last Ditch Effort

Well, we've come to the last ditch effort when it comes to getting Kit to behave, we're bringing in BarkBusters at $595, but it's a life of the dog gauruntee. Here's to hoping we won't need it, but you never know. We've got to get him to stop screaming all the time for no reason at all and we've got to get him to stop biting. It was the end of it when he nipped my face the other day. Sure he was excited and wanted to play but still.

It's been an extremely long day, but I got a lesson done. Granted I only got an 88 not like I'm all that broken up about it, after all there really are a lot of process in manufacturing that are remarkably similar, it was confusing these process that caused me to get three questions wrong, didn't really affect my average though. If I continue on one lesson a day I'll be done with this lesson series on Monday and just waiting for Technical Math 1 which I want to get so I can get it over with.

Back to school as usual

Well, after nearly two months I completed the next lesson tonight, the 96 has made me eager to be back to working on it, which is a good thing I guess it just took a kick in the butt to get back to it.
Speaking of kicks in the butt I think Kota may have broken his tailbone today...poor thing. The dog still chews on Liam, but now he's trying to decide that Voodoo is a chew toy too. Voodoo isn't standing for it which is good for her but Liam just lets him chew...we're still working on it and it's only been a couple of days but still...*crosses fingers* here's to hoping we can fix it, otherwise we might have to hire someone else...which as we found with BarkBusters is expensive, we're talking $600 worth of expensive. The vet says the chewing and nipping is just a puppy thing so here's to hoping. Well, bed calls, sorry I wrote so late...I've been busy.

Wow...

Okay, so I forgot to post yesterday...shoot me, I was working a strange shift. 10:30 (which became 9:30 due to bus requirements) to 6. It was a good day I was just too busy with other things to make my post during work. Liam is doing great but we can't leave him in the room so we can let the puppy out anymore. He moves the screen and climbs out the window to come meh at the back door and climb that screen. Thankfully the neighbors upstairs nabbed him and we just happened to come home as they were sitting outside. Otherwise I would have been very very heartbroken. He's doing well, he's a little too tolerant though...he lets the dog chew on his head for crying out loud and then mehs at me when I yell at the dog to stop. Kit's doing well, but he seems to be getting more mouthy not less. He's bitten me a few times recently, I'm concerned because that's the type of behavior that gets even good dogs put down.

We're going to keep working on it. I had a bit of a territorial moment today when I was talking to Kota and found out that there were people in the house that I didn't know about, don't really know and I wasn't there to I guess keep an eye on things *Shrugs* bad wolfie...

New Love. New Life

Well, Liam came home last night, I would post pictures but we don't yet have a card reader. He's absolutely perfect. Granted he wakes me when I'm asleep usually by licking my face off...litterally with that rough tongue of his that's my signal that he wants to be pet. I've also managed to pick up my new BOS, given that it looks like I may have found a familiar I'm not surprised that things kept interfering. All in all life is going well, we picked up the new Harry Potter book. I'm more than halfway through my 300 page Manufacturing Processes 2 lesson. My kitty falls asleep when he's getting his nails clipped. I got my credit limit extension and we're going to go out to dinner and pick up the card reader tonight.

A Step in the Right direction.

With each breath you take the past get's further behind you. Well, it's been almost a years worth of breaths and only now are the events of our past getting far enough behind us. She reached out through a blog entry and I anxiously await being able to reach back. This weekend I am both broke and at least for some of it busy...so world here's to hoping. Wish us luck, it has been a lot of work for at least Kota and I to be able to put past hurts, past misconceptions behind us and now we take the step of getting to know our new 'old' friends. May all go well in our next endevours.

Of life and missed posts.

Hey everyone, sorry I missed a couple of posts, things were so hectic at work I could hardly think straight much less remember to make a post. Kota's finally decided he's ready to go back to school, provided the payments are within the budget. I'm looking forward to it, sure it means I have to pay to put him through school, but unlike most couples that's not a problem with us. Within the next couple of years the world will be saying hello to it's newest vet tech. The good thing is looking at how long it's going to take him to finish his program and looking at the requirements for mine makes me feel less like a slacker. Helping him to stay on track will help me to stay on track. Honestly I think once I get through the up and coming technical math (which I'm dreading) I'll be much more gun-ho again. I'm just terrified I'm going to fail it, but then again I've never liked to fail anything.

In other news it looks like I might have found my familiar. We walked into the vet to get Kit his last corona and bordatella and Liam was there, he it was love at first squeek. We'd been talking about getting me a pet for a while and after looking at things decided a kitty would be best, after all other than Kuma the pets I talk about most were my kitties. The household had just agreed to it when we walked and realized he was still there. So having the money to do so we put down his adoption fee and now we just wait for the required 24 hours before going to get him. Also, it looks like we may have found a new vet. Kit is comfortable with his techs and the staff there really seems to be warming up to us so here's to hoping.

Kota is going to be required to go through two 9 week practicums, the great thing about this is we can actually afford for them to be unpaid internships, or paid at a much lower rate than normal because I make enough money to cover all of us if necessary. Kota was wanting to return to work, but with Kit we really didn't want him to be out of the house much, I just feel more comfortable knowing that Kit doens't have to be crated for an unknown amount of time right now. When Kota finishes and looks at getting a job it might change, we'll cross THAT bridge when we get there. I think this is going to be really good for us as a family. Perhaps we can talk Kiro and Rick into going back to school too...

YAY!

Well, I had a wonderful weekend this weekend. On Saturday we went out as a family to have lunch and see Harry Potter before returning home to game all weekend. Kit has been doing wonderfully the past couple of days. The house is a 'wreck' it's mostly dried goods that didn't get put up on Saturday and a couple of dishes from this weekend. The biggest mess is actually something I need to handle, which is sitting down and doing all of our laundry, but we're not allowed to run the washer and dryer after I get off work (community quiet hours) So that makes things a little difficult. Sunday night Kota and I went out together and spent several hours just enjoying some time together. All in all a good weekend. Today's going to be 'interesting' but that's alright, that's life. I've got my reveiw later this week so everyone keep their fingers crossed (first off that I actually get it on time.) Unfortunately a high jam rate calls.

*growl* *snarl* *growl*

While it's been a good day, it's still be one of 'those' days. You know those days where everything seems to be conspiring against you. Where you look around and you wonder who up there is poking fun at you today. Someone let Loki loose with my printers before they got to me and he did quite the number on them. Not to mention the fact that someone clouded a co-workers mind and now I may be the one to ensure that the reports come out all right despite the fact. All in all things could be much worse but I've just wanted to rip my hair out all day.

At least it seems from Kota's post that he should be calmer again. I need to try to find someway to get him back on his T even if it means sending him downtown every two weeks and somehow managing to pay for the T and a cab back, he was much more calm then, things were better for many reasons. *grins* and if he pissed me off I could always threaten to tap the needle. Not that I ever would mind you. It's odd, he's not the only one whose been more aggressive, I have as well, though mine is a quieter rage, it smolders inside of me like tiny embers lining every nerve of my body until finally it suffocates. I have had more time to get ahold of my temper and mine has always been a quiet temper...the quieter I got the more you needed to worry and god forbid you actually make me talk about it when I'm quiet. Sometimes it's best just to let me sit for a few.

To be perfectly honest I've really be fighting that darker side of me lately, the side of me that wants to react to Kota's latest fits of temper. The side of me that sees them as a challenge that cannot be backed down from. I don't know where that clash would go...who would win doesn't really matter it likely wouldn't change anything one way or the other...but I fear it could get violent.

Yet there is also that side of me that has to fight the urge to egg him on...to turn that violence towards me, to be perfectly honest I've spent many years feeling as if I needed to be in pain, but I was too much of a coward to cut, even when I was busy attempting suicide. Yeah I know...I have issues, if you're thinking it you're far from the first and listen you don't know the half of it, but so long as they continue not to affect my daily life I'm not going to worry about them. I don't have insurance and what's wrong with a few hallucinations that point out the things you should know or be doing anyway...ever had your conscious glare you into doing something you knew you should? Yeah...didn't think so. *shrugs* Oh well, we shall see how things go.

I'm sure his temper is likely to flare again and part of me has considered enrolling him in a martial arts class...it would be a good work out and good disipline training. Besides it's something he's expressed interest in. Sure I couldn't join him because my schedule prevents that but that's alright he's the one who needs it most anyway and besides, he could come home and teach me. I'd be willing to pay for it if I knew he was going to go.

I've smoked much more than usual today and probably will continue to do so. I'm a little off...I've got that all over nerve endings on fire pain again...it drives me to put another nail in the coffin as they say.

Work as usual.

Well, it's definately work as ususal. I've been running printers for just over an hour and I already have what may be two rather serious issues. One of them may be an operator issue or the way the program throws errors. The other on the other hand is definately hardware but easy to fix provided we can get the parts (we waited almost 12 weeks for those trays the first time and now this...) Well, of course, more printer trouble so it's back to work for me. Maybe I'll write more tonight.

Long time gone...

Hey I know I've missed the past three days, bad me, but I was working day shift. Soon it will be back to work as normal for me, I work swing shift tomorrow. It's kind of funny, the earth decided to celebrate with me with a little bitty not-a-quake. Registering 3.3 on the Richter scale it shook things in that distinctive 'they come from beneath' manner that only earthquakes have. It was Kota's first, I'm glad it wasn't like mine, I bed surfed into the living room during my first quake. It dimmed the lights for a few and instincts I didn't know I had kicked in, my feet came off the wall and hit the floor as if my feet were going to know soon enough before the rest of me did to do anything about it...*headshakes* Silly body.

Closed Chapters...Fresh Tears

I still keep up with the blog of a chapter that closed itself to me not too long ago. While I understand and accept that that part of my life is over, I think I continue to check it out of a combination of things, habit, fear...fear of what is being said when I'm not looking, and simply wanting to know. Though we will likely never be close again, because of the pain she has caused and the fact that apparently it's always, eternally mine and Kota's fault and even though she apprently never has any fault in the situation, I still care, I still want to know she's doing okay. Today however; her blog entry brought me once again to tears, this time not because she'd practically called me lazy and worthless, but because she reminded me of what I so recently lost.

May 17th, it was a Monday. I remember reading the e-mail from someone I hadn't spoken to since I was 10 years old and thinking there was no way. No way he could be leaving me, I was angry with him because it was then and there that I realized just how much I'd wanted him to be a part of. I'd sent him an invitation to my graduation and never gotten any response, and I didn't intend for that to be the case with the associates degree I was pursuing. I'd met a wonderful man and wanted him to walk me down the aisle. I wanted so desperately for that man to be proud of me to know in the depths of my heart that he was proud and that he did care. I miss him terribly and still cannot bring myself to cry for him of my own accord, so I guess the blog post was a good thing. I simply hope for her that she gets what she so desperately wants before she too looses the chance. May the Goddess guide her.

Return of the Muse

Yeah I know, it sounds like a REALLY bad movie sequel but what can I say, my muse has decided she's still speaking to me. I'm not going to give out many details just yet in part because I haven't gotten any feedback, but it's going to be a story within a story layout. I have no clue about it's marketability but right now I don't really care, I'm just glad to have the urge to write again.

I will tell you this much, the 'real world' aspects of the game are going to focus on the trials and tribulations of divorce and children being split up due to a custody agreement, a move and finding new friends in new schools and how the games these kids play help them to cope with the chaos in their lives. I'm honestly not sure anyone would want to publish it, but I can certainly hope I guess we'll just have to see. I need to sit down and work out two or three major problems the children will have during the times that they are not gaming, because ideally the book should only cover one major gaming session and a few days worth of time, but that's difficult to put into a novel without being too wordy so we shall see what comes of it. I intend to take what I learned from D and put it to good use. Here's to hoping!

Yay! I got a title...

<<>>Gave this one a title since the title function was giving me trouble earlier.<<>>Well, so far it's been a pretty good day. Woke up with one hell of a headache, got some gaming in on WoW, damn you Rick. Went to work . Thus far things have gone really well. I'm not running one of my tests, because it's in a state I was never actually given information on, I'm not entirely sure how the first run of the day should go and given that the tech that runs during the day wasn't here today it fell to me. Well I called DH on both her desk phone and her cell phone and still no information so it sits. Better to sit than to have me confuse the data extraction program because I ran it incorrectly. Looking forward to going home and killing things. Not sure what I think about working days next week, but it carries the unusual benefit of getting some time alone with Kota without having to run off to our rooms to hide. Yep, definately a good day. Now that the headache is gone life is running smoothly. The printers are behaving themselves which always makes things easier.

Poor Kiro though, he has yet to train his dayshift counterparts to actually log what happens so once again he's digging through all of their data by hand before he can actually get any work done. At least Alex wasn't ever THAT bad.

All of our Yesterdays...and of course..today.

Yesterday was not as exciting as planned. All of it had hinged on Kiro being paid on time, which he wasn't. Thus it became a good day though initially dull. Today however; started well and has good momentum to stay that way. We're trying another new game, this one proves to be cheaper in the long run. We've also decided on a different method of training Kit, one we hope will be more successful than our previous attempts, though we did find out where we were going wrong and what we were doing to confuse him. Hopefully, now he'll pick up house training and asking to go out as quickly as he picked up sit. We played a recall game with him last night that he really enjoyed, running with all of his puppy might from one to the other and so on. His continued thinness bothers me, but we'll try adding some nice fattening people food (safe people food mind you) to his diet and see if that helps some, if it does than it's not really an issue. Last night he slept through the night without much trouble and stayed zonked pretty much all night, I guess it helped that we wore him out. I look forward to going home tonight and trying out my new character and my new game!

By the skin of my teeth...

Don't know where that phrase came from but it seems appropriate given how late it is that this post is hitting. It's been a fairly faced paced day, especially with me looking so forward to tomorrow. Happy Birthday America, I get the day off. I've had a headache all day but its not too bad, just a little annoying. I likely won't be posting tomorrow, I'll be too busy enjoying my mid-week day off.

Dancing amongst the stars

Well, things have been going REALLY well, Kota has decided it's time to look for a part time job and I'm completely behind him, he finishes up his stuff at home and then just sits there staring at a computer screen, or walking the dog, it has been driving him nuts. I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday, but it had been brewing for a while, I went a little nuts last week, but I'm better now. YAY! Today is my Thursday! I'm off on Wednesday so that makes today already my Thursday (but without that whole paycheck portion ;-;) Ah well, that's life for you. Haven't done much in the way of school lately but I've gotten a lot of other things done such as finishing up our spring cleaning and banging my head into a wall. I was just starting to feel overwhelmed. The dietary changes are going well, we've cut red meat out of our diets except on VERY special occassions at one resteraunt and that's just because that's pretty much the basis of what they serve but we've been wanting to take Rick and Kiro there for a while.

Rick will be down this weekend and it will be great seeing big brother again I really look forward to it and instead of the usual trips where we hang out for maybe a couple of hours and then don't see him for months we'll have him for two days. I have a review this month that has me really nervous but if I'm lucky I'll get both a raise and a bonus like I did last time (crosses fingers) then it's just another six months until my three months off, during which I will likely finish the last of this semester, I mean to be perfectly honest what else am I going to have to do during that time, especially after Kiro moves out, because if Kota gets a part time job I'm going to need something worthwhile to do while he's at work. I haven't gotten any further work done on Moonlit, but I'm not really surprised I didn't really have a storyline behind it, it was just an exercise in entertainment.

The pup's doing well, though Kota accidentally got him answering only to 'bubbers' *shrugs* could be worse and it's his dog, whatever the pup responds to I guess, just not something I'd name mine, hell it isn't something Kota would INTENTIONALLY name his either...it just sort of stuck.