Apparently a co-worker thinks I have a problem with them or have somehow had a bad attitude. The only thing I can think is that I have allowed others to rant about her in my general vicinity but I cannot help the anxiety attack that it caused. I've sent a rather long e-mail to her, here's to hoping that I dissected her confusing e-mail well enough to make everything make sense. I think a lot of the issue here is grapevine syndrome epsecially since she named no names so it's not like I can verify that they are people who would actually know what really happened. The only thing I can think of is that I stated that I didn't want to work opposite her, but if the things that I heard were true I don't. I don't know what's going on I just know that now I'll be fighting an anxiety attack for quite a while. Honestly who knows maybe D was right...maybe it just took an outsider to point it out. Rude, Lazy, Inconsiderate granted they were statements made in anger, but perhaps that is truely where we speak the most truth. Not like it gives me any clue about what might be best other than to perhaps go back to taking breaks entirely alone and not reaching out to anyone. I have less anxiety attacks when I have no friends at work at least. Who knows, maybe that's best.
Who know's what this is going to do for my chances to be brought back. I've worked so hard...so very hard. I feel like everything is slipping away. Like all of the struggling I have done has been for nothing. And it all sprouted because I made the statement 'I guess she didn't think that was funny.' regarding a comment I've made in good fun many times. No one was supposed to be hurt by this but isn't that how it always goes. Looks like I am back to the norm...and I thought I'd done so well.
I made the mistake of getting comfortable, of thinking I could joke with the others at work, but once again, just as it did with Telvista it's causing problems. So perhaps it is time to crawl back into my shell. At least it's safe there.
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IMPORTANT GOALS LIST
Lifestyle Changes Goal List: Month 1
1. Smoke only 5 cigarettes per day on the following schedule:
1 before work (after leaving the house)
1 between 5 and 5:30 (any later and I cut that smoke from the day)
2 during 'lunch' (The time period between 7 and 9)
1 at the end of shift (before going home)
1a. Do not smoke on weekends. This will help me change my habits and help Kota to change his (because he doesn't suffer withdrawal he just needs to not be around smokers since it's a social habit)
2. Complete one school lesson per week.
3. Walk for 30 minutes (walking during work and to the bus stop does not count.)
4. Start walking to the far stop each day despite having to leave a little early to do so.
5. Drink more water. (This will be easier with lemon juice because I like water with lemon.)
6. Gather media even when I don't EXPRESSLY need it, this will make me look better at work and give me a reason to walk more.
Next month I will update the list (specifically the smoking article to drop one smoke/ day unless it looks like I can get away with only 4 during this month.
Things to do to make this list easier.
1. Hunt down my cigarette case so that I can bring ONLY what I am allowed to smoke for the day.
2. Take breaks by myself as I am less likely to smoke more than I am allotted.
3. Don't smoke the full cigarette if I don't feel I need to. Do NOT keep the partial.
4. Buy lemon/lime juice (LOTS) and keep my 2 litre bottle full, try to finish that each day.
1. Smoke only 5 cigarettes per day on the following schedule:
1 between 5 and 5:30 (any later and I cut that smoke from the day)
2 during 'lunch' (The time period between 7 and 9)
1 at the end of shift (before going home)
1a. Do not smoke on weekends. This will help me change my habits and help Kota to change his (because he doesn't suffer withdrawal he just needs to not be around smokers since it's a social habit)
2. Complete one school lesson per week.
3. Walk for 30 minutes (walking during work and to the bus stop does not count.)
4. Start walking to the far stop each day despite having to leave a little early to do so.
5. Drink more water. (This will be easier with lemon juice because I like water with lemon.)
6. Gather media even when I don't EXPRESSLY need it, this will make me look better at work and give me a reason to walk more.
Next month I will update the list (specifically the smoking article to drop one smoke/ day unless it looks like I can get away with only 4 during this month.
Things to do to make this list easier.
1. Hunt down my cigarette case so that I can bring ONLY what I am allowed to smoke for the day.
2. Take breaks by myself as I am less likely to smoke more than I am allotted.
3. Don't smoke the full cigarette if I don't feel I need to. Do NOT keep the partial.
4. Buy lemon/lime juice (LOTS) and keep my 2 litre bottle full, try to finish that each day.
Welcome to the world with a dash of Lime
For those of you who do not know me, my views on the world are likely a little unusual, but they have their reasons. Remain long enough and you just might learn to understand. Though some most certainly never will, my interesting life has been the foundation for most of the views expressed in this blog and as such they are solely my own. I am a pagan, and a good person. However; I am not posting this to instruct anyone in my religion I will answer questions of those who wish to be enlightened but I will neither push my beliefs on you, nor will I do anything else to try to convert you. My beliefs are mine, if you too feel that the mainstream is not good for you that is fine, but unfortunately you will have to find your own path. At best I will keep you from walking off that large cliff...yeah...that one...right...hmm...well...that's not good. Clean up on isle 2!
My latest bit of gaminess
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