Epitomy of Depressing

Once again I have found that one of my creative jewels, something I held close has at least in part not only already been a successful book series but a TV show. I put a bit more spin on it perhaps, I wouldn't exactly know I have neither read the series not watched the show it's just depressing for something you've held so close for so long has once again been accomplished by someone else.

Six days of Mayhem

Well, at least this time the mayhem was good. You guys are used to me not posting on weekends. However; at work, with my new environment I've been so busy that I haven't had time to breathe much less post. However; I've been asked to slow down so I don't kill myself. I'm running 14-16 printers give or take on any given day and I'm responsible for any mechanical upkeep issues that I can fix with a manual. *YAY* Granted I just have to REMEMBER that I'm allowed to fix these things. I don't really answer to anyone. I work directly with the engineers to ensure that their test comes out right. Occassionally I'll do a sort of cross over with the current lab manager a position I may or may not be taking when he leaves for his three months off next month. *crosses fingers* Either way I'm getting valuable experience and really enjoying myself. Particularly today for some reason. I'm in one of those inexplicable REALLY good moods. Not like I'm arguing. Granted it probably helps that it was nice and over cast when I headed to work today. YAY work!

Falling Away

Apparently a co-worker thinks I have a problem with them or have somehow had a bad attitude. The only thing I can think is that I have allowed others to rant about her in my general vicinity but I cannot help the anxiety attack that it caused. I've sent a rather long e-mail to her, here's to hoping that I dissected her confusing e-mail well enough to make everything make sense. I think a lot of the issue here is grapevine syndrome epsecially since she named no names so it's not like I can verify that they are people who would actually know what really happened. The only thing I can think of is that I stated that I didn't want to work opposite her, but if the things that I heard were true I don't. I don't know what's going on I just know that now I'll be fighting an anxiety attack for quite a while. Honestly who knows maybe D was right...maybe it just took an outsider to point it out. Rude, Lazy, Inconsiderate granted they were statements made in anger, but perhaps that is truely where we speak the most truth. Not like it gives me any clue about what might be best other than to perhaps go back to taking breaks entirely alone and not reaching out to anyone. I have less anxiety attacks when I have no friends at work at least. Who knows, maybe that's best.

Who know's what this is going to do for my chances to be brought back. I've worked so hard...so very hard. I feel like everything is slipping away. Like all of the struggling I have done has been for nothing. And it all sprouted because I made the statement 'I guess she didn't think that was funny.' regarding a comment I've made in good fun many times. No one was supposed to be hurt by this but isn't that how it always goes. Looks like I am back to the norm...and I thought I'd done so well.

I made the mistake of getting comfortable, of thinking I could joke with the others at work, but once again, just as it did with Telvista it's causing problems. So perhaps it is time to crawl back into my shell. At least it's safe there.

Assignment Change

Well, I'll be moving to another lab starting on Monday, so I'm going to be moving quickly the next couple of nights, running beyond what I necessarily need to. I landed a 90 on my test today, the two questions I got wrong were understandable. One of them I couldn't find a clear answer on but I now have the page reference for and the other I just had difficulty with the weld diagrams.

A good end to a bad week.

Well, it's been a rough week, but today's been a pretty good day. I re-start the template tomorrow and actually got to take a lunch today. Yeah I know *gasp*. I think those two facts alone have helped. Sure I'm still annoyed by the loss of the money but if it ran off it did so for a reason. All things happen for a reason. Hopefully I'll be able to keep the chamber caught up especially given as hard a worker as Tina has turned out to be now that she's gotten used to things. Still not word one on the lawsuit, but there may be times that I won't here from ms. Lloyd for months at a time. Still haven't told my mother about it at the request of my grandfather, but I'm in this for the long run and if I feel I need her support I will reach for it. All previous blog posts (regarding my fathers death) are being removed or edited for fear that they may come up during the discovery stage and thus be used against us to say that we are 'influencing' the jury. *scoff* Not like anyone reads this anyway. Granted I guess it helps that I have no external links anywhere. But I've got to do this just in case.

Of breakdowns, burnouts and major screwups.

Well, I really did it this time, thankfully August has two checks without bills for us or we'd be in some serious trouble. During the day of the great meltdown I somehow managed to loose or have stolen from me $585 that was supposed to be rent money. We'll be okay because it means we just rearrange some things. Sure the credit card won't be payed off when we hoped it would. Sure BarkBusters will take a little longer to pay off and okay so we don't have as much free money as planned we're still okay. However; I still keep finding myself getting distracted looking for money I'm not going to find. I think I know what happened but I don't know what dock the trash is taken to, I don't know what dumpster it's put in and I don't know even what the bag of trash I'm after would look like. So *shrug* I screwed up big time...thankfully we're still okay.

Back to Work

Well, I left work early yesterday. Too many chorus' of 'Are you okay?' and 'Do you need to go home?' for my tastes. So I took a few extra hours to just relax and now I'm feeling a million and a half times better.

You know it's funny, I went so far as to have my players create characters for a game, I had great ideas and then I woke up one day and they were pretty much gone, guess it's time to find more ideas. They've been pushing me to start running, they want to play but am I going to be able to make something worth playing? I don't know...I feel like everytime I start running a game for them they loose interest or the storyline just plain goes down hill. They get frustrated when I'm not providing enough hints and when I just outright show them the way. Not like I disagree with the latter.

*le sigh* I've got to figure something out because they've created characters that are suited to one particular world and I don't want to take that from them, but looking at it now there seems to be very little potential. It's like with my writing right now...everything is fizzling into nothing. I'll get real excited for a few days and then I'll wake up one day and there's nothing. I think my muse is toying with me.